i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize