I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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