I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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