Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
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She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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