Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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