I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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