The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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