He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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