I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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