It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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