eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize