dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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