then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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