I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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