meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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