I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize