My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize