i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Boobs speak an international language.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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