i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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