My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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