Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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