im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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