Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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