Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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