so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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