It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i came on her dog
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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