Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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