I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize