just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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