remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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