nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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