Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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