Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize