i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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