I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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