Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
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i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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