Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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