He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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