I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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