So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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