if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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