you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize