whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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