so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize