I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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