Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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