need another drink. this is the easiest way
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish you could order shots online.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize