Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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