: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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