You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize