we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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