it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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