I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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